Divorce and Dreams

It’s been a few days since I have written, and a few things have occurred while I have been away. Good, Bad and Ugly.

Let’s start with the Ugly. Ugly occurred on Friday of last week, in the Publix supermarket parking lot.  Now, I drive this cute little PT Cruiser that is tan with woodgrain paneling. I like the little car, works for me. I just got it four or five months ago. Anyways, I’m driving down the isle, getting ready to head out of the parking lot. You certainly can’t go fast, and I am always on the lookout for kiddos, so I’m snailing at about 5-10mph when BAM!

What the what??? And it hit me. Literally. So I make that cringy face to myself and get out of the car to see this young girl headed my way. ” OMG, I’m so sorry! That big suburban was in my line of view and I couldn’t see you coming”.

Nice try, I thought. See, Publix has, as any parking lot should, angled parking spaces directing you on how to pull out of a space.  So she pulled through her parking space and exited the second one in the wrong direction.  Great that she has full coverage and admitted fault, but now I’m out a car. SO there’s that. Onto the Bad.

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Divorce sucks. I get it. For the one being divorced. In my marriage, it should have been done a long time ago.  So, I’m kind of past the part of being all emotional. That happened enough during the 8 years we were together. By the time I filed I was ready to move on like Julia Roberts in Sleeping with the Enemy.

However, he is not. He knows his part, for he just won’t let it go, and then as his narcissistic personality will have him do, turns me around the be the bad guy. I, of course, am the cold-hearted bitch who just will not forgive.  Calling me 20 times daily, going practically crazy on the phone. So, I block, then unblock, try to be kind and listen….. his mother did just pass. Then the process all over. So finally, I told him. I made boundaries and if he should cross any it is block for good for good with a TPO.  He already isn’t allowed to see his son, if that tells you anything.

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In lieu of this bad stuff, I have really been happy.  Since my new life has started, I began to write. And I have a lot to say. I have things to say about well, autism, marriage, divorce, and the list goes on.  But mostly, autism.  You see, my son, James has autism. ( and don’t worry, that detail in length post is coming) But, I just felt that I had to get my voice out. So I asked the editor of Autism Parenting Magazine if I could write an article for them.  I wasn’t really expecting her to contact me back, so I continued to go about my days making lists of things that I really wanted to write about.

Then one sunshiny day, it happened. I opened my e-mail and there it was.  A response to my request from the editor asking which angle of autism I would like to take.  I advised her it would be on hyperlexia and comprehension in autism.

“Who I am to think this editor is remotely interested in anything I have to say?” I thought to myself.  I’ve never written an article in my life. Well except for that story when I was in middle school, and my daily journaling, and a few other minor things. Eh, move on, don’t get your hopes up.  However, my thoughts were incorrect, and the editor likes the idea, gave me some rules, and a deadline.  I am going to have to work hard to make this work, but I’m going to.

Here’s to the dream of writing!

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Getting my meditation on

With the way life is keeping me running in circles, I have decided to take on meditation. Now, I’m going to admit that I NEVER thought I would be trying out any form of meditation.  But, here I am and I enjoy it so far.  Well, I have had two whole three minute basic sessions, but I LIKE IT.

I chose an app called HEADSPACE, which tells me that there are currently 839,798 people getting headspace. That sounds like positive news to me.  And, according to Deepak Chopra, it is more important to have a quiet mind than to force positive thoughts.

There are programs on HEADSPACE for beginners and advanced meditators alike. Lots of customizable programs, training tips, and you have options to choose a guided meditation program or a non-guided program.  I’m really overjoyed that I found my HEADSPACE app and on my new journey through life; I will continue to improve myself as a whole, starting with my mind.

I encourage you to gain some headspace if you are going through a difficult time in your life. According to Forbes contributor, Alice G. Walton,  “The practice appears to have an amazing variety of neurological benefits – from changes in grey matter volume to reduced activity in the “me” centers of the brain to enhanced connectivity between brain regions”.

If you are the kind of person that chooses a more homeopathic remedy to traditional Rx medications, like myself, this very well might be a good choice for you as opposed to taking traditional anti-depressants.

Out of that same article, we are told that ” A  review study last year at Johns Hopkins looked at the relationship between mindfulness meditation and its ability to reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, and pain. Researcher Madhav Goyal and his team found that the effect size of meditation was moderate, at 0.3. If this sounds low, keep in mind that the effect size for antidepressants is also 0.3, which makes the effect of meditation sound pretty good. Meditation is, after all an active form of brain training”.

Let me know if you meditate and if you receive a benefit or not. Why or why not? Why do you meditate?

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God Bless America

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That dreaded day has arrived in its 17th year.  It still feels like yesterday.  Seventeen years later I still can’t watch it on t.v. I’ve seen it enough, and I don’t have to see it on t.v to know how I will react. I will cry, and get angry.  It’s embedded in my mind. Forever.

We have made great strides in America to protect our safety, but it will never be secure again.  We will always be on our toes; that’s a good thing.

My prayers go out to all of the families, and all the people that were affected by this horrific tragedy.


Monday Madness

Good morning! It’s 6:48 a.m. I have been up for an hour now; James is on the bus and off to school already. Way too early, I don’t remember getting on the bus this early but then again, it was a minute or two ago.  We live in North Georgia, so we are watching for the effects, if any, of the upcoming Hurrican Florence. It’s going to rain a lot here in the foothills so I will have plenty of time to work on my new blog.

Sipping my cup of Joe that sits in a Christmas mug filled with Folgers and blended ever so carefully with Creme de la Cinnamon avec Vanilla, I write.  You, I hope are sitting and reading this, with your cup of Joe ( please tell me what you drink!) wondering what exactly, I am up to here.

Well, I’ll tell you.

I am starting over.  And I am loving it this time. Not thrilled at the fact that my marriage to my former best friend ended. Or the fact that my three kids from my first marriage; that I too, ended mind you; live with their dad and his new wife ( he is so strict, but was clearly a better choice than what was going on in my home). Not impressed with myself with the fact that I chose to endure the marriage to a narcissist WAY too long, was able to be manipulated to the point of having a child taken away from me for a year. Drugs? Yep.  Lost my job? Check.  I screwed up. Bad.  The blessing here is that I get another chance to make it write this time.

Why do you keep spelling write wrong, Ms. Miller?

Glad you asked. This is where I get to tell you that I am starting over, writing my way through my story.  My story of two failed marriages, four children and realizing that I’m perfectly happy being single.  It’s time to find myself again. Any of you that have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist know that you lose yourself as a person, at least I did, and I am going to find me again.

But there’s more.  I don’t just want to write my story. I want you to share your story with me, too. I want to hear about your experiences in life, how you have lived and learned, and possibly mentored along the way.

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